I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
