You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
