she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
