you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
