i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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