everyone is single if you try hard enough
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
