Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
