I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
