She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
