and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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