I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
