she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
