He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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