If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
FUCK WHALES
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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