alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
