I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
