Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
