Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
