At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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