The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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