I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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