He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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