Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
