i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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