he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
