my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
