I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Green mimosas i think yes
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
