I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
