Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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