problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
