I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
