Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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