We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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