i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
