i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
There's always time for handjobs
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
