So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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