So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
So squirting runs in the family.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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