Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
