god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
