Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
