She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
