I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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