Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
