When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
