Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
