You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
