Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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