Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
