One girl and one boy is just not enough.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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