I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
