While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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