Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
