what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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