Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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