I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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