I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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